Who Loves Baby? by Sassy

The cover of this book is colorful and innocuous-looking enough. Bright, made of earth-torturing PVC, hopefully free of BPA. It’s inviting, it says “look at me” “pick me up” “read me in the bath” “teethe me, Seymour, teethe me …”

But it’s the Audrey II of baby books.

Once you begin to turn the pages with your young, impressionable child by your side, the calculated wickedness is apparent. Where are the fluffy kittens and happy parents of the (admittedly cartoonishly caucasian) baby of the front cover? The adult text adorned in shapes and patterns to hold the child’s attention and arouse their curiosity?

The answer: Nowhere.

Does anyone love baby? Apparently not. Your child is presented with page after page of blankness, empty picture frames where cartoonish friends, family, puppies and kittens who love baby should be. All too soon, your child is made aware that one day it will be them against the world … and no one will love them, either.

Read this book: If you want to turn your child into a SuperVillian with a suitably tragic origin story.

Avoid this book: If you don’t want to expose your child to Cartoon Baby’s sad little existence.